For Felisberto Hernández.
had hardly a teenager I moved to a big city. Its center, where everyone is moving between houses in a hurry too high, was near a river.
I was a theater usher, but the same thing out there running from side to side, like a mouse under old furniture. Going to my favorite places as if entering next hole and find unexpected connections. Also, I was pleased to imagine everything that he knew of that city.
My turn on stage was the last of the afternoon. I ran to my dressing room, polished brass buttons I wore my coat and green on gray vest and pants, then put me in the left aisle of the auditorium and reached the men making them the number, but they were the ladies that followed my first steps when I put out the red carpet. As I stopped and had reached out a greeting in passing minuet. Always expect a tip amazing, and I knew the head tilted with respect and contempt. Never mind that they do not suspect above all it was me.
Now I felt like a bachelor boutonniere he was back on many things, and was happy to see ladies in various costumes, and confusion at the moment of lighting the stage and the audience left in darkness. Then I ran to tell the tips, and finally went to register the city.
When I returned to my room and tired as he climbed the stairs and crossed the corridor, hoping to see something through the gates ajar. Just turn on the light, suddenly were colored flowers of the wallpaper, were red and blue on a black background. Had lowered the lamp with a cord coming out of the center of the ceiling and reached almost to the foot of the bed. I did a screen every day and I slept with her head toward the feet, thereby decreasing could read off a bit light and flowers. At the head of the bed was a table with bottles and objects that I watched for hours. Then turn off the light and kept awake until she heard noise through the window of bone sawed, split with an ax and butcher's cough.
Twice a week a friend took me to a free room. First we entered a hall almost as large as a theater, and then went to the luxurious silence of the room. Belonged to a man who would offer these dinners to the end of his days. It was a promise made by having saved his daughter from the waters. The foreign guests were overwhelmed with memories. Each had the right to bring a friend twice a week, and the owner of the house ate at that table once a month. Came as a conductor after the musicians were ready. But the one thing he directed was the silence. At eight, the great white bottom cover sheet and opened a gap appeared in the gloom of an adjacent room, and the darkness came the black coat of a tall figure with the head tilted to the right. It came up a hand to indicate that we should not stop us, all sides were headed toward him, but not the eyes: they belonged to thoughts at that moment lived the heads. The director did a salute to sit, ran head all the dishes and pulsed instruments. Then each teacher played quietly to himself. At first he heard pick the silverware, but a few moments the noise was flying and was forgotten. I started just to eat. My friend was like them and took advantage of those moments to remember your country. Suddenly I felt reduced to the circle of the plate and it seemed he had no thoughts of their own. The others were as asleep to eat at the same time and were monitored by the servers. We knew we finished a plate because at that moment it retractable, and soon we were happy the next. Sometimes we had to divide the surprise and attend to the neck of a bottle that had been wrapped in a white napkin. Other times we are surprised by the dark spot of wine that seemed to swell in the air while holding the glass of the drink.
A few meetings at the free dining, I had already used to the objects on the table and could play the instruments myself. But I could not stop worrying about the departure of the guests. When the "director" appeared in the second month, I did not think that this man gave us for having saved his daughter, I insisted on assuming that the daughter had drowned. My thoughts crossed with huge steps and vague the few blocks that separated us from the river, then I imagine her daughter, a few inches from the water surface where he received the light of a yellow moon, but also glowed white, the clothing and luxury skin on her arms and face. Perhaps
that privilege was due to the wealth of the father and sacrifices ignored. Those who ate in front of me and back to the river, also drowned imagined: the plates were bent over as if to rise from the middle of the river and out of the water, those who ate in front of them, I did a courtesy but not hand we reached them.
Once in that room I heard a words. A very fat diner had said: "I'm going to die." Then his head fell in the soup, as if the would take no spoon, the others had turned their heads to look at which was served on the plate, and all the cutlery had stopped beating. Then drag had heard the legs of the chairs, the servants took the dead man's room hats and sounded the phone to call the doctor. And before the body was cool and all had returned to their dishes and silverware could be heard pecking.
Soon I began to reduce the bull by the theater and getting sick of silence. I sank into myself as a swamp. Mis compañeros de trabajo tropezaban conmigo, y yo empecé a ser un estorbo errante. Lo único que hacía bien era lustrar los botones de mi frac. Una vez un compañero me dijo: «¡Apúrate, hipopótamo!» Aquella palabra cayó en mi pantano, se me quedó pegada y empezó a hundirse. Después me dijeron otras cosas. Y cuando ya me habían llenado la memoria de palabras como cacharros sucios, evitaban tropezar conmigo y daban vuelta por otro lado para esquivar mi pantano.
Algún tiempo después me echaron del empleo y mi amigo extranjero me consiguió otro en un teatro inferior.
Allí iban mujeres mal vestidas y hombres que daban poca propina. Sin embargo, yo traté de conservar mi puesto.
Pero en uno de aquellos días más desgraciados apareció ante mis ojos algo que me compensó de mis males.
Había estado insinuándose poco a poco. Una noche me desperté en el silencio oscuro de mi pieza y vi en la pared empapelada de flores violetas, una luz. Desde el primer instante tuve la idea de que ocurría algo extraordinario, y no me asusté. Moví los ojos hacia un lado y la mancha de luz siguió el mismo movimiento. Era una mancha parecida a la que se ve en la oscuridad cuando recién se apaga la lamparilla; pero esta otra se mantenía bastante tiempo y era posible ver a través de ella. Bajé los ojos hasta la mesa y vi las botellas y los objetos míos.
I had no doubt, that light went out of my eyes, and had been developing for a long time. I spent the back of my hand in front of my face and saw my fingers open. After a while I felt tired, the light dimmed and I closed my eyes. After opening her to see if it was true. I looked at the electric light bulb and saw that it shone my light. I turned to convince and had a smile. Who in the world, saw with his own eyes in the dark?
Every night I had more light. Day had filled the wall with nails, and at night hanging glassware or china, were those who saw mejor. En un pequeño ropero —donde estaban grabadas mis iniciales, pero no las había grabado yo—, guardaba copas atadas del pie con un hilo, botellas con el hilo al cuello, platitos atados en el calado del borde, tacitas con letras doradas, etc. Una noche me atacó un terror que casi me lleva a la locura. Me había levantado para ve si me había quedado algo más en el ropero; no había encendido la luz eléctrica y vi mi cara y mis ojos en el espejo, con mi propia luz. Me desvanecí. Y cuando me desperté tenía la cabeza debajo de la cama y veía los fierros como si estuviera debajo de un puente. Me juré no mirar nunca más aquella cara mía y aquellos ojos de otro mundo. Eran de un color amarillo glowing green as the triumph of an unknown disease, the eyes were large rounds, and the face was divided into pieces that anyone could put together or understand.
I stayed awake until the noise came from the bones sawed and cut with an ax.
the other day I remembered that a few nights ago brought up the aisle of the auditorium in darkness and a woman's eyes had looked at me frowning. Another night my foreign friends had fun telling me that my eyes shone like those of cats. I tried not to look at my face in the windows out, and preferred not to see the objects that were behind the glass. After much thought modes use light, always had concluded that he should use it when he was alone.
In one of the dinner and before the appearance of homeowner white cover, I saw the shadow of the door ajar and I wanted to get there eyes. Then I began to plan how to enter that room, he had already interviewed them several display cases full of objects and had been increasing in the light of my eyes.
The large dining hall overlooking a street, but the house crossed the block, and was the main entrance the other street I had already walked many times down the street from the hall and had seen several times a steward was single that was around at that hour. When walking with your legs straight and arms bent outward, like a orangutan, but seeing him side with the tail of his coat very hard, like a bicharraco. One afternoon, before dinner, I dared to speak. He looked at me eyes hiding behind thick eyebrows, as I said: "I'd like to talk
a particular issue, but I have to ask for reservation.
"You say, sir.
-Yo ... "Now he looked to the floor and expected," ... I have a light in your eyes I can see in the dark ...
"I understand, sir.
- Understand, no! "I said irritably. You may not have known anyone who could see in the dark.
"I said he understood his words, sir, but what I think they amaze me.
"Listen. If we enter that room-the making of hats, and close the door, you can put on the table anything that is in my pocket and I'll tell you what it is.
"But sir," said he, "if at that time to come ...
"If the owner of the house, I give permission for me to tell. Do me a favor, it's just a moment.
- What for? ...
"I'll explain. Put anything on the table as soon as I close the door, and then you say ...
"As soon as I can, sir ...
brisk, approached the table, I closed the door and immediately said,
- You've put an open hand and nothing else!
"Well, I just, sir.
"But you have put something in your pocket ...
put the handkerchief, and I, laughing, said,
- What dirty handkerchief!
He also laughed, but then let out a hoarse croak and straightened out the door. When opened it had a hand in the eyes and trembling. Then I realized that I had seen her face, and that I did not planned. He said, imploringly:
- Go away, sir! Go away, sir!
and started across the room. Was already lit but empty.
In the next time the homeowner ate with us, I asked my friend to let me sit near the head, where the owner was located.
The butler would have to serve there, and could not dodge. Where is the starter he felt on my eye and started shaking hands. While the sound of silence covered entertaining, I harassed the butler. After I saw him in the hall. He said:
- Lord I will miss you!
"If I listen, I think I'll lose.
- But what does the Lord of me?
-let me see, just watch, since you reviewed my departure, the windows of the room adjoining the dining room.
started making hand signals and head before being able to articulate any words. And when he said:
"I came to this house, sir, many years ago ...
I was sorry, and hassle of grief. My lust to see me was considered a difficult obstacle. He made me the story of his life and he explained why he could not betray the homeowner. Then I interrupted bullied:
"All that is useless because he will not know, plus you would behave much worse if I sick to head inside. Tonight I will come at two, and I'll be in that room until three o'clock.
"Sir, revuélvame head and kill me.
"No, things will happen much more horrible than death.
And at the moment I left I repeated:
"Tonight, the two, I'll be at the door.
Leaving there thinking I needed something to justify me. Then I said: "When he sees that nothing happens suffer no more." I wanted to go that night because I had to dine there, and those meals with wines excite me and I increased the light.
During the dinner the butler was not as nervous as I expected, and I thought that I would open the door. But I was at two, and I opened it. Then, as he crossed the room behind him and his candle, I got the idea that he had not resisted the threat of torture, had told him all the owner and I have prepared a trap. Just enter the room with the windows I looked: his downcast eyes and expressionless face, then said, "Bring me a mattress
. I can see better from the floor and I have the body comfortable.
Hesitated making moves with the candlestick and went. When I was alone and started looking, I thought I was in the center of a constellation. Then I thought they'd get me. The butler took. To apprehend me would not have needed a mattress with one hand because the other brought the chandelier. And with a voice that sounded too much from those windows, said
-return at three o'clock.
At first I was afraid to see myself reflected in large mirrors or glass in the windows. But lying on the ground did not reach any of them. Why did the butler would be so quiet? My light went wandering in that universe, but I could not rejoice. After so much courage to get there, I lacked the courage to be quiet. I could watch one thing and do my having it in my light a good time, but needed to be carefree and know that he was entitled to her. I decided to observe a small corner that was near the eyes. There was a prayer book with covers mottled tortoiseshell like burnt sugar, but in one corner was a stall on which lay a crushed flower. Beside him curled like a snake, lay a string of precious stones. These objects were at the foot of fans who seemed dancers opened their wide skirts, my light lost a bit of stability to pass over some who had sequins, and finally stopped at one that had a Chinese mother of pearl face and silk dress. Only one Chinese could be isolated in that immensity, had a way of thinking had to be fixed in the mystery of stupidity. However, it was all I could do mine that evening. Upon leaving I wanted to tip the butler.
But he refused saying:
"I do not do this for interest, sir, what must I do for you.
In the second session looked thumbnails jasper, but over my light over a small bridge crossing over it I realized elephant in the room was no light that was not mine. I turned eyes before moving my head and saw a white woman with a candlestick. Came from the top of the broad avenue lined with windows. I started cramping in the temple that once ran like rivers sleeping through the cheek, then the spasms I wrapped the hair around a turban. Finally something down by the legs and knotted at the knees. The woman came with fixed head and slowly. I was hoping that its envelope of light from reaching the mattress and she let out a scream. She paused a moment, and to renew the steps I thought I had time to escape, but I could not move. Despite the small shadows on the face was that this woman was beautiful: appeared to have been made with the hands and after having sketched on paper. Came too close, but I planned to stay put until the end of the world. He stood next to the mattress. Then he started walking with one foot stepping on the floor and the other on the mattress. I was like a doll out on a window as she stepped with one foot on the curb and the other on the street. Then stood still even though its light was moving in a strange way. When I saw her go back, she made a path shaped by eses between the space of a window to another, and the tail of dressing would gently tangling the legs of the cases. I felt have slept a little before she had reached the back door. He had left open to let her come and go. I still had not entirely disappeared in the light of it, I discovered that there was another behind me. Now I can lift. I took the mattress at one end and went to meet with the steward. Whole body was shaking and the chandelier. I could not understand what he said because his false teeth chattering.
I knew that she would appear next session again, I could not concentrate to see anything and did nothing but wait. Appeared and I felt calmer. All the facts were the same as the first time, the hollow eyes had the same firmness, but I do not know where I was, so each night was different. At the same time I felt as usual and tenderness. When she came near the mattress I had a quick concern: I noticed that the bank would not they cross over me. I felt again the terror and believe that she would cry. He stopped near my feet. After he stepped on the mattress and another above my knees trembling, opened and made to slide her foot-a step the other foot on the mattress, another step in the pit of my stomach, another in the mattress and another so that his bare foot rested on my throat. And then I lost my sense of what happened in the most delicate way: it went down my face the whole tail of his dressing perfumed.
Every night the events were most felt, but I had different feelings. Then all melted and the nights seemed thin. The tail of the erased memories dirty dressing and I was coming across an air space as sensitive as they could have moved the sheets for children. Sometimes she paused for a moment the touch of glue on my face, then I felt the anguish that I cut off communication and the threat of a present unknown. But when the friction continued and the gap was saved, I thought of a joke of tenderness and drank with relish all the rest of the tail.
Sometimes the steward said to me
- Ah, sir! Discovered long does it all!
But I went to my room, slowly brushed my black suit in place of the knees and stomach, and then I lay down to think about it. I had forgotten my own light would have given all to remember more accurately how it was wrapped in light of his candle.
went over in his footsteps and I imagined that one night she would stop near me and hincaría, then, instead of dressing, I feel her hair and lips. All this was composed in many ways, and sometimes made him words: "Darling, I lied ..." But those words did not seem to her and was suppose to start all over again. These tests would not let me sleep, and even penetrated some in dreams. Once I dreamed that she was crossing a large church. There were flashes of lighting candles on red and gold. As it was lit the bride's white dress with a long tail that she wore slowly. Was going to marry, but walking alone and with one hand he took the other. I was a shaggy dog \u200b\u200bof a very shiny black color and was thrown over the tail of the bride. She dragged me with pride and I seemed to be asleep. At the same time, I was going between a lot of people who followed the bride and the dog. In this otherwise mine, I had similar feelings and ideas to my mother and tried to get close as possible to the dog. He was as calm as if he had stayed at a beach and occasionally opened his eyes and saw, surrounded by foam. I had passed the dog, an idea he had received with a smile. Was this: "You let go but you're thinking of something else."
Then in the morning, I heard sawing the meat and beat with an ax.
One night he had received few tips, I left the theater and went down to the street next to the cold. My legs were tired, but my eyes were great need to see. To stand in a shack of old books I saw pass a couple of foreigners, he was dressed in black with a cap of apache, she wore a shawl on her head spoke English and German. I walked towards them, but they were in a hurry and I had taken advantage. However, when you reach the corner they met a boy who was selling candy and he spilled the packages. She laughed her to gather aided merchandise and finally gave few coins.
It was when she looked for the last time the seller, when I recognized my sleepwalking and I was falling into a pit of air. I followed the couple anxiously, I also bumped into a fat I said,
"Look where you're going, asshole.
I almost ran and was about to weep. They came to a cheap movie, and when he went to get the tickets she turned her head. He looked at me with some emphasis because it was my anxiety, but I knew. I had no idea. Upon entering I sat a few rows in front of them and, in one of the times I turned around to look at her, she must have seen my eyes in the dark, then started talking to him with some agitation.
After a while I turned around again, they spoke again, but few words aloud. I immediately left the room. Me too. Ran after her without knowing what was to do. She did not recognize me, and it escaped me another. I never had so much excitement and even suspected that he would not success, I could not stop. He was sure that everything was confusion of destinations, but man that was tight to her arm had sunk his cap down over his ears and walked more and more light. The three of us precipitábamos as a fire hazard, I was already close to them, and who knows what outcome expected.
They fell to the sidewalk and began to run across the street, I would do the same, and in that moment I stopped another man from his cap, was sitting in a car, had downloaded a cornetazo and I was insulting. Just missing the car I saw the couple close to a policeman. With the same rate as he walked behind them I decided to go the other way. A few yards I turned around, but saw no one to follow me. Then I started to slow down and recognize the everyday world. Had to walk slowly and thinking. I realized I was going to be great distress and went into a tavern that had little light and few people, I ordered wine and started to spend on tips that reserved to pay the part. The light went out into the street through the bars of a window, and saw him shine the leaves of a tree that stood on the edge of the sidewalk. I decide to think about cost what was happening. The floor was old boards with holes. I thought the world she and I had found was inviolable, she could not leave after having spent so many times the tail of the dressing over his face, it was a ritual in announcing the completion of a mandate. I'd do something. Or maybe wait for a warning she gave me one of those nights. However, she did not seem to know the danger he was in his nights awake, when violated what steps indicated sleep. I felt proud to be an usher, to be in the poorest tavern and knowledge, not even myself, "she knew-that my light had penetrated in a closed world for everyone else. When I left the pub I saw a man wearing a cap. Then I saw others. Then I had an idea of \u200b\u200bmen in caps, were beings that were everywhere, but that had nothing to do with me. Got on a tram thinking that when I went to the room the windows would hide a cap and suddenly the show. A fat man dumped his body, sitting beside me, and I could not think of anything else.
At the next meeting I took the cap, but was unsure whether he would use. However, as soon as she appeared on the back of the room, I took his cap and began to make signs as with a black lantern. Suddenly she stopped and I instinctively kept his cap, but when she started walking her out and returned to make the signs. When she stood near the mattress I was scared and threw his cap, first hit in the chest and then fell at his feet. Still spent a few moments before she let go a scream. She dropped the candle making noise and off. Then I heard the bulk soft fall of his body followed by a hit harder than would be the head. I stood and opened his arms as much a showcase, but at that moment I found my own light that began to grow on her body. It had fallen as quickly would be a dream happy, the arms had been parted, head thrown to one side and face modestly hidden beneath the waves of hair. I ran down her body with my light as a bandit who register with a flashlight, and near the feet I was surprised to find a large black seal, which soon recognized my hat.
My light not only illuminated a woman, but took some of it. I looked pleased and thought the hat was mine, not anyone else, but suddenly my eyes began to see her feet a greenish yellow color similar to my face that night I saw in the mirror of my wardrobe. He grew brighter color in some places the foot and dark in others. Immediately appeared
white bits that made me think of the bones of the fingers. And the horror turned in my head like a smoke-sac. I started to redo the course of that body was no longer the same, and I did not recognize its form up to the belly found, lost, one of his hands, and saw in it nothing but bones. I did not want to look more and made a great effort to lower eyelids. But my eyes as two worms that move on their own within my orbit, followed by stirring until the light was projected to head it. Was devoid of hair, and bones of the face had a spectral glow like a star seen with a telescope. And suddenly I heard the steward walked strong, all the lights lit and talking crazy. She returned to regain his form, but I do not want to look. Through a door that I had not seen the owner came home and ran to raise her daughter. Out with her in his arms when another woman appeared, everyone went, and the steward kept shouting
"He was at fault, has a light in the eyes of hell. I did not want and he made me ...
Just thought I was alone I could think of something very serious. I could have gone, but I stayed until the owner came back. The butler came back and said
- yet is here!
I was going to answer. I soon find the answer, it would be more or less this: "I am not person to leave and a home. Also I have to give an explanation. " But I got the idea that it would be more dignified not to answer the butler. The owner had come to me. It fixed her hair with her fingers and looked very worried. He raised his head proudly and with a frown and dwarfed eyes, I asked
- My daughter invited him to come to this place?
His voice seemed to come from a double bottom he had on his person. I was so embarrassed that I could not say more than:
"No, sir. I came to see these items ... and she walked over ...
The owner was about to speak, but stood with his mouth ajar. Again he passed his fingers through his hair and seemed to think: "I did not expect this complication."
Butler began to explain again the light of hell and everything else. I felt my life was something that others did not understand. I wanted to regain the pride and said:
"Sir, you may not ever understand. If it is more comfortable, send me to the station.
He also regained his pride
-not call the police because you were my guest, but has been abused my confidence, and hope that their dignity will advise you what to do.
Then I began to think of an insult. The first thing that came to mind was to say "filthy." But then I wanted to think of another. It was in those moments when it opened, one, a window, and fell down a mandolin. We all listened intently to the sound of the soundboard and strings. Then the owner turned around and went to inside at the time that the butler was to pick up the mandolin cost him decide to take, as if a spell mistrusted, but the poor mandolin seemed, rather, a stuffed bird. I also turned around and started to cross the room ringing my steps, it was like walking into an instrument.
In the days that followed I was very depressed and I take the job again. One night I tried to hang my glass objects on the wall, but I found ridiculous. I was also losing the light, I could hardly see the back of my hand when passing in front of the eyes.
